Consent: The Key to a Sexy and Successful Orgy

Image by Jordin Manning

The beginnings of our orgy lay in the night before it happened. I left Shabbat dinner at the Hillel, and received a text from my friend Rick about a small get together. After quickly throwing on some clothing, I went to join them.

It was my first encounter with two of the upcoming orgy’s participants, Steve and Molly. Steve urged me to come to the party happening the following night and alluded to the possibility of . The body positivity, acceptance of new experiences and utmost respect for consent ultimately made the orgy a success.

The night of the orgy started with Havdalah, a Jewish ritual to mark the new week and end of Shabbat, followed by a birthday party. After the birthday party, I arrived at the party where the orgy was based. We all started ingesting various “party favors,” and later agreed upon interest in a possible future orgy.

There was dancing, no drinking, and a little fooling around between myself and my friend Max. Afterwards, Max and I came down from his room, to suddenly find everyone who planned on participating there and ready for sex.

I was the first naked, followed by Molly, then Steve. I started the orgy with Molly. Before going down on her, and eventually fucking her, I did the most revolutionary thing in the world: I asked permission. This set a precedent for the entire night and ultimately created an environment where everyone respected each others’ sexual autonomy.

"Ancient Orgy." Photo by Arcadius (https://www.flickr.com/photos/arcadius/). https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode

“Ancient Orgy.” Photo by Arcadius (https://www.flickr.com/photos/arcadius/).

One girl was on her period, which made her slightly self-conscious. Everyone reassured her that the body and all its functions are beautiful and NOT disgusting. She eventually decided to go for it, and probably felt a lot better about her experience, despite worrying about staining the sheets.

There was one participant who was in an open relationship. She gave a mouth and a hand when needed, but made the choice of not being fucked, which everyone respected. People took breaks, a straight boy experimented in an encouraging and safe environment, another boy experienced anal sex for the first time and I myself encountered penis-vagina sex for the first time.

In a space that contained eight sexually fluid people, we explored one another until, three hours later, we puttered out and rejoined the party.

Before this experience, I oftentimes heard people say “consent is sexy,” but I only said it myself to encourage consent. I didn’t actually believe it. After this experience, however, I truly do believe it. Consent establishes desire and willingness so all the anxiety around whether or not it’s okay to do something disappears.

This orgy was the exact opposite of rape culture, puritanical sexual values, unrealistic body ideals and oppressive monogamous relationship norms. A group of people with diverse bodies and identities came together, willingly, as a group and helped one another engage in a completely new way. Orgies aren’t for everyone, but they are an act of freedom if done right. They can demonstrate what this society can be if we truly embody consent and body positivity in our everyday lives as sexual and non-sexual beings.

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