Way back when, in the cold, dark days of 2004, 62 percent of Ohio voters were so against gay marriage they voted in favor of unconstitutionalizing (call Webster, I think I just created a new word) it.
When asked why he would oppose such a thing as gay marriage, one non-existent voter yanked the stick from his ass and chased me, spewing holy verses such as “thee” and “thine.”
After running away and losing him in a pro-life rally, I ran on. To this day I have never seen a man so happy to be holding a Bible.
Soon, I came upon three imaginary guys in a pickup truck, and when asked for their thoughts on gay marriage, the skinny one in the middle had this to say: “Well, I don’t know bout no Issue 1, but I do know that mosta’ them gay couplings already got four balls and two chains, ya’ get me?” A fat guy to the right of the skinny one agreed. “We got ya!”
“And I just don’t see why they should get to get a whole ‘nuther ball and chain,” The skinny one added. “It just ain’t fair-like.”
Truly, those were dark times.
But now, the clouds have parted and support for the love portion of marriage has (hopefully) sprung up because at gayrightschange.org there is a petition going on to put the issue of gay marriage back on the Ohio ballot.
Of course, this is a petition for a vote to be taken up, not for Issue 1, Ohio’s defense of marriage amendment, to be repealed.
So, if you’re LGBT, or a straight guy/gal who’s not an ignorant fuck (but who is 18 or older), or just an Ohioan who believes in the American dream of equality, go to gayrightschange.org and sign the petition.