A friend of mine once asked if a casual relationship is a good outlet for the single gay or just a barrier to having an LTR (long term relationship). I only laughed and responded, welcome to the hook up culture, buddy.
Granted an LTR is the last thing on most of our minds right now, so it’s no wonder hooking up has become so popular for us college kids, but I can’t help but wonder when is casual not casually enough or casually too much? We’re obsessed with “keeping it casual” for so many reasons I don’t have time to list, but who’s calling the shots? And what happens when casual stops working so well?
We all know that casual is code for sexual. We’re adults, but we’re not ready for commitment, so every once in while, we hook up. It’s that simple, right?
Some think this newfound hook up culture benefits men in general—that it gives men what they’ve always wanted without women getting the emotional connection they want so badly. A lot of times, a girl will hook up with a guy and she’ll expect to see him again, where as the guy just wants the temporary physical connection. This might have something to do with the fact that guys actually like to cuddle more than girls. Whoops, did I just do some emasculating? Get over it.
But guess what? Our hook up culture is actually promoting female sexual liberty at the same time—feminists are smiling everywhere. Girls can finally be as dominating with their sexual needs as males, and everyone is coming to accept it more freely.
So where does this leave the gays? Some might say in pure euphoria (whores), and others might resiliently disagree (bitches). But if you’re a gay man with access to the internet, you can generally find casual sex without any problem, granted if you’re OK with that sort of thing. Because men value physical connection over emotional, it’s disturbingly (remarkably) easy to find a willing participant.
(The parenthetical additions are my way of staying objective.)
One gay student, who wishes to remain anonymous, so we’ll call him Steve, says that he tried doing the dating scene and actually held a boyfriend for 10 months. That’s like two years in straight time!
“It was hard to keep going because we both just got so busy with our homework and other activities, so it just kind of fizzled out.”
Steve said while he doesn’t agree with the casual craze, “it’s definitely something that works better for busy students like us, and I’m even learning it’s how gay relationships are starting to function as a whole.”
It seems like as society is becoming more sexually liberated, a steady relationship in the gay community is becoming a distantly foreign concept. Who needs a secret bathhouse anymore when you have fingertip access to your next casual hook up?
I’ve posed a lot of questions in this week’s blog because I’m not going to claim to have all the answers, so tell me what you guys think: Is hook up culture a healthy outlet for busy students or just a barrier to a long term relationship?