Hello all, I am Greg Porter, the web editor here at Fusion Magazine. Our lovely fashion blogger, Jackie DeMate, writes the blog Fashionista Weekly, one of my favorite blogs that we feature. I have realized that we are lacking in the male fashion department, however, so I have decided to pen a counterpart to Miss DeMate’s wonderful blog.
I am proud to present to you:
Get it? It’s a pun.
I can’t promise a weekly blog like Jackie DeMate, and frankly her advice is 1000% better than any fashion advice that I can give you. I can’t even promise that I’ll ever write a blog like this again, I just felt like bitching about something that I’ve come into contact with recently in young college-aged men and I needed to create an outlet for it.
Wearing Sweatpants, a hoodie, and Flipflops… everywhere.
I understand that college is a time to break away from rules and regulations set forth by parents, and instead move forward to the somewhat more lax rules of residence hall living. No longer is your mother breathing down your neck about the holes in your jeans, the amount of Axe Body Spray you spray on in lieu of a shower in the morning, or who you choose as a significant other. I get it, freedom is great. What’s not great, however, is the pair of dingy gray sweatpants you’ve been wearing every day for the past month.
It seems like every freshman guy goes through the sweatpants, stained hoodie, and flopflops phase for at least a few months in college, regardless of the weather. Girls go through a similar phase of leggings, uggs, and faux-fur lined jackets, but that’s not my territory.
Freshman boys wear this combo of clothing to class, our to eat, around campus, and I’ve even seen a few out at the bars dressed like this.
What are you thinking, lazy freshmen? How are you ever going to get some hot college boy and/or girl tail dressed like a comfortable homeless man? Whatever. Nobody ever came out on the other end of a phase in their life by being smacked out of it by a cynical homosexual man with a huge ego.
So go on, keep wearing your sweatpants that shows everyone when you’re sporting an awkward boner. Even when you don’t have a raging erection, everyone you come into contact with will be able to make out the size and shape of your junk, which is certain to attract some attention from other young college students who may want to engage in sexual activities with you!
Keep wearing those $2.99 WalMart flipflops that you had to fix with duct tape and silly putty! Oh, and never, ever wash that old Korn hoodie signed by Jonathan Davis or it’ll lose its mystique.
Sorry, did I say “mystique”?
I meant stank.