3 more Question to not ask a Trans Person
When you get surgery, can I see ____?
Uuh well, no, you cant. I had this experience when I first came out, about a year ago, and my immediate response was a death glare to the person who asked. This is not a question, like all the others, that is your business in any way. In fact, this one is likely to earn the questioner a stinging cheek at the very least, and a serious lecture or loss of friendship at worst, or best, depending on whose perspective. This leads, more or less, into the next question.
So, does this make you gay or straight?
Sexual orientation and gender identity are not synonymous and to make this assumption falsely is disrespectful, though not, in my humble opinion, as hurtful or offensive as the others. However, there is a big difference between the two and it is not anyone’s business as to their orientation. If the trans person wants you to know this, it will come out in casual, or serious conversation. I am not personally too offended by this question but some people prefer to keep these things personal and it should be respected.
Question # 6
Are you sure? Because you’ve never acted in a _____ manner.
My mother has mentioned this to me on several occasions. When I deal with her I try to be a lot more generous, but when dealing with peers I tend to draw a stronger line. This question enforces the gender binary by assuming that there are only two genders and there are certain ways in which people act that fit into the stereotype. In just the same sense as gender identity and orientation are not the same, neither are gender identity and gender expression parallel. It is often the case, especially in the queer etc community, that there are a million ways to express oneself and they do not always match societal expectations. In fact, very often, these run counter to most of society and societal norms. In short, the safe bet with a trans person to never make an assumption about identity based solely upon expression. This falls into proper pronoun and name usage and will be part of the subject matter of the next blog.
Cheers until then,
Please pardon my extreme delay in posting this second of three parts. I will do my best to get part three up by the beginning of next week. Much Love, Morgann