Important:

Hi Readers! Thank you for taking the time to read my letter to my younger self. Honestly since the beginning of my work at Fusion I have wanted to write letters to myself, my friends, and family to help maybe one person see that things can always change for the better. I want to write more for you for any of the people in your lives that have impacted you. Today, I start with the person who made it possible for me to be here, me. Next, I want to write a letter to my mom who has supported me always but still wanted a daughter at the end of the day. Take some time to yourself today and write to yourself the younger you that maybe needs advice. Thank you for your dedication to continuing queer voices! 

Dear Redacted, 

I started with Redacted because we use a different name now and I want there to be a world where no one knows what my dead name was. Anyway – a lot has happened since your middle school years. We’re gay now and nonbinary which, in the grand scheme of things, is not your toughest battle to go through. We changed our name because Redacted didn’t feel good and right anymore. It is Ivory now and really there is no meaning to it, it’s just a pretty neutral-sounding name. Right now, things are pretty good and you are so looking forward to your sophomore year at Kent State to end. Oh yeah, we didn’t graduate from Cuyahoga Valley Christian Academy haha. Yeah, we transferred schools after junior year because of, well, a boy. We transferred to Stow-Munroe Falls High School and fell in love with writing for the newspaper. That’s when you knew you wanted to be a journalism major. I am actually writing this letter to you but also for Fusion magazine at Kent State, where I’ve been working for almost two years. It’s unexpected, I know, because we wanted to go into veterinarian studies but it doesn’t always work out the way we want it to. I don’t know how to break it to you, but you know Mom’s friend Kathy who works at Peppers? She died in February of 2024, and it hit you really hard because you started working at Peppers in your sophomore year at CVCA. She gave you so many chances to work and make the money you needed. She was your second mother, so please spend more time with her and hug her a little longer for me. She loved you for who you are and that is the most important thing for you now because of your identity in the gay community. Being gay has made you more confident in yourself thanks to the community you have built at Kent State. The biggest update: we have found the person you will want to spend the rest of your life with. His name is Charlie and he is the sweetest person you have ever met. He just celebrated two years on testosterone. Oh yeah, he is trans which, to you, doesn’t even register sometimes because he is so masculine. He is someone who would make himself miserable just to make someone else happy. He makes you the happiest person, and we talk about getting married after you graduate from Kent State. He has helped us with all of the things that have happened in our one-and-a-half years together. He has loved you through all the bad things that have happened to you both. I cannot believe that we are where we are because we’re a TEACHER??? at a DAYCARE??? We famously don’t like kids or want kids but these kids are the best little kids that have ever happened to you. They made you want to be a mom. Yes, even after all we went through. Trust me, we want our own babies someday. Thank you for putting up with my crazy shit over the years and surviving through the worst. I love you and I promise we’re gonna be okay. Even if it doesn’t seem like it will ever be. It will. 

Love, Ivory 

P.S. Please stay away from a boy named Owen