Halloween is almost here and I have absolutely no idea what to do about a costume.
I already know some people that are going as a Lady Gaga (shocker), Michael Jackson (ooh, original) or Hannah Montana (how old are we again?). I guess there’s always some ideas in generic low-key professions, like being a librarian or a janitor. But, of course the costumes aren’t yet complete until the girls add in “slutty” to their titles, regardless of how much sense it makes. For example:
GirlA: “You look so cute! Who are you being?”
GirlB: “A slutty rattlesnake hunter, duh.”
Admit it. It sounds pretty awesome in a nonsensical, sex-driven way.
Being slutty-whatevers as a costume on Halloween is great. Any time I’m allowed to hike up my skirt and parade around in next-to-nothing in 50 degree weather sounds like a dream. Really, though, if there’s one time during the year that it’s acceptable to deliberately look like a sex object, it’s Halloween. If you’ve got it, by all means, flaunt the sh*t out of it. As a side note (and a formal request), if you aren’t sexy without the costume, don’t try to be sexy with the costume. I mean, talk about defeating the purpose.
It’s pretty clear that being a sexy-something is one of our generation’s costume requirements. What about a sexy-scary-bloody-gory-something? Would that work? Or do we even care about the actual meaning of Halloween anymore and just use it as an excuse to get our asses smacked? I’m quite certain that if I was wearing dainty lingerie accompanied by a fake bloody ax through my neck, there would be a good chance I wouldn’t be asked out just because I looked too Halloween-y. Not that getting asked out is my Halloween goal, but it’s always nice for an ego boost, right?
So, for those of you who are in the same predicament as I am, I’ve researched some decent-quality costume ideas. Many thanks to you, CNN, for supporting the cause.
For my fellow femmes: Jailbird Paris Hilton (the “slutty” is implied), Slutty Neytiri (the girl-avatar from Avatar), Slutty Lindsey Lohan or [Insert Girl’s Name Here] from Jersey Shore.
For the testosterone-prone (“slutty” is optional): Justin Bieber, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Edward Cullen or [Insert Guy’s Name Here] from Jersey Shore.
Bottom line: Pick a costume, show some leg, then give me some suggestions so I won’t be the only weirdo without a miniskirt.