Hello, my name is: “Your Past”

You know that moment when you run into the guy who once stole your heart over a latte at Starbucks or a drink downtown, and now after months of distance and unreturned text messages, he’s staring you in the face at a lovely restaurant as your server? Your heart starts beating faster and your face soon turns a crimson red because you know that buried deep below your resentment and stance for independence, you’re brought back to a time when you deeply cared—when you thought you had love figured out.

Or how about when you discover that your high school sweetheart is now engaged to a girl he’s only known for a short time, and just months prior to this discovery you were giving it up to him on your parents couch, but more importantly giving your heart to him one last time in hopes for a permanent landing?

My only advice in these moments is to find your best friend and your nearest bar. Just don’t get so drunk that you start texting obscenities that you’ll later regret… and if you do get so drunk (let’s face the facts… you deserve it) hand that phone to someone else, and fast!


But this, my friends, is called heartbreak, and it’s the axis of our human condition. To quote a line from a book I recently read, “the loss of the emotional bond remains one of the most painful experiences of humankind.” As much as some of us would hate to admit it, we’re all deeply involved in love and what love brings.

Just look at one of the best selling albums sweeping the nation today: Adele’s 21. Her heartbreak has become our entertainment, but it’s her heartbreak spilled out in those songs that we not only understand, but we deeply empathize with. I wanted to punch Adele’s ex in the face with a crow bar, but I guess that’s why it’s said that art is the triumph over chaos.

What worries me, though, is we’re taught to bury these feelings deep inside so no one can reach them and most importantly, so no one can assess them—especially the guys. We’re told they’re ugly, unmanageable and down right repulsive to the core. We walk around hiding behind our masks of smiling faces, until that one moment when we see our ex (or the one who got away), and we’re suddenly on the verge of bursting just to let it all out.

Hurt. Jealousy. Anger. Agitation. Pain. Abandon. Worthlessness.

Whether it’s a romantic or friendly relationship fueling the fire, these are all emotions we know very well, and guess what; it’s healthy to express them.

Even though some days I feel like a robot that’s comfortable with my cyclical life, I’m reminded in these moments of heartbreak that life isn’t as cookie-cutter easy as I’d like it to be. More importantly, I’m now a stronger person for enduring such emotional baggage—and so are you!

I agree that we should take life with a grain of salt, but I say don’t indulge in an element that can slowly kill you. Sure the pain makes us feel weak, but the strength that comes from that pain will have you walking circles around that guy or gal who broke your heart way back when.

Folks, it’s time to get past your past because your present is what makes your future, and it’s in your present when you can be as fabulous as you’d like to be.

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