It goes a little something like this: You think you need sex, and I think I need sex. You sort of want a relationship, and I’m thinking I might sort of want one too. We hook up and it’s insanely incredible, so we keep talking to each other for the next two weeks. Then one of us suddenly becomes uninterested, and the whole process starts again with someone new. That, my friends, is called instability, and it’s becoming almost as popular amongst young gay men as this country’s rampant pregnancy fad amongst young girls.

I can’t help but think we’d really have to practice China’s old birthright laws if gay men could get pregnant, but to each community their own problems, right?

I’ve touched on similar topics in past posts about commitment, non-monogamy and the fear of relationships. But what happens when you no longer fear the idea of a relationship, and it seems every other person around you does? I think I now understand why there are so many 35-year-old gay men with cats, frumpy sweaters and gardens to tend, while always keeping a plentiful stock of anti-wrinkle cream. They figure if they can’t find a guy worth keeping around, they mind as well move on with their settled lives but stay spruced up just in case one date or hook up turns serious.

Is this what we young, twenty-something single gays are destined for? Just the other day, I was watching Bravo (I know, gay boy problems), and ex- styling assistant of the fabulous Rachel Zoe, but now starting his own styling business, Brad Goreski, said he’s been with his boyfriend for a whopping ten years. He said, “we’re basically lesbians.” After laughing, I had three thoughts:

Well, good for him; he’s way too gorgeous to become jaded by the single scene.

&

We all (gay men and straighties alike) have a thing or two to learn from lesbian relationships.

&

I swear to God and the entire universe if I’m lucky enough to become an attractive older gay man, but have no one to come home to at the end of the day, I will punch every single happy couple I see in the face.

OK, I’ll probably just start crying while I masturbate, but it’s because while during the act, I’ll be fantasizing point three.

Seriously though, I think we younger gays have some soul-searching to do. For some of us, hooking up is what we want right now, and that’s fine for a little while – of course, keep it classy by keeping it safe. But for those of us who feel we’re stuck in the casual scene with no way out, breaking heart after heart after heart, step outside for a little bit and just focus on YOU. It’s a problem when our girl friends come to us first for relationship advice, yet our own dating life is in shambles.

Have a thought? Start or join the conversation in the comments section!