Grace Dugan

As a female at birth (AFAB) nonbinary/trans person, there are a lot of misunderstandings when it comes to how I am perceived. This can include my clothes, my hair, my accessories and even my mannerisms. I use he/they pronouns, but am still strongly perceived as a woman. 

I struggle with this on a daily basis because I try everything I can to be perceived as nothing, if not, a boy. However, that has gotten extremely annoying to me because I do not always want to present as masculine and even when I think I am presenting as masculine, I still get people who use she/her pronouns for me. 

My personal experience with gender has been so frustrating and honestly, I am still trying to figure out how I identify. Although I know I am not a woman, I still like doing things that can be seen as feminine. Society believes that anything feminine must equal women, but this is not the case for many queer people and others as well. Many other people in the LGBTQ+ community believe that gender and representation should be fluid and that people can wear whatever they want.

Dexter Stephens, Youngstown State University senior forensics and psych major, shares his opinions on being an AFAB trans man. As a trans man not on testosterone, he does not feel comfortable doing anything feminine. Whether that be wearing clothes, makeup or anything society would deem “feminine.” “I always try to dress more like a straight cis guy. It is just how I feel comfy,” Stephens said. 

“I think society can just use they/them pronouns if they are unsure of someone’s gender, I know for sure it makes me feel better instead of being misgendered,” Stephens said. “I also think they can look at them like normal people and not give odd looks.” 

Stephens ends with some advice he would give to someone just figuring out their gender. He says that even if your parents do not accept you, it will be okay. Some things are not as bad as you think they will be. Do as much as you can to feel comfortable in your own skin whether that be getting binders, talking to your therapist, or wearing boxers. 

Logan Daniels, a junior at Conestoga, shares that he does not quite feel comfortable enough to do anything that could be considered feminine because he believes he does not “pass” enough as a man. This is true for a lot of trans men because they do not want anyone thinking they could be a woman. This is something that society has shown them – that if they do anything feminine they will be seen as a woman. 

“I don’t try to understand the people who do and say hateful things. I’ve used enough time and energy trying to understand why my existence is somehow wrong, there isn’t a reason for it. I remind myself that I am exactly who and where I am supposed to be,” Daniels said. “In terms of the actual moment of discrimination, I do what’s safest. I keep quiet and don’t engage and then if possible report what happened in school or work. It is not easy.” 

Daniels finishes with some advice he would give to society to be more inclusive to the trans/nonbinary community. He wishes society would stop spreading the “you must present as masculine as you can for me to gender you correctly” ideology. He states if this message were to stop being a societal norm, he would feel much more comfortable presenting femininely. 

Both of these trans men had completely different experiences with being trans. However, their feelings are quite similar. Many in the trans community just want to be however they feel comfortable being without judgment. Whether it be femininity or masculinity, they want to be treated with respect and for everyone to use their preferred pronouns.