Things Gay Men Like #3: Women’s Breasts

Welcome to another week of Things Gay Men Like. Ahh, another week in, another thing gay. This week’s topic isn’t so much gay as it is curious. Gay men like:

#3. Women’s Breasts

The cross makes it classy.

Not sexually, of course, but it seems as though most gay men find boobs to be simply fantastic. There’s an almost child-like innocence in how gay men regard women’s breasts. They’re jiggly, bouncy, squishy, and generally fun to play with. If one will let you, they also make a great pillow, especially if the woman in question is well endowed. But aside from making a good pillow, gay men don’t care about breast size because even the small ones are delightfully squeezy.

You see, to gay men breasts are like playing with one of stretchy stress-balloon things. I mean… they’re just so round and bouncy! They’re mesmerizing when a woman accents them in the right dress, too.

Moreover, gay men love any slang or euphemism for breasts. There’s the always classy “boobs”, then cans, twins, airbags, balloons, bazoombas, funbags, jugs, tatas… the list goes on forever. Gay men like boobs. It’s an odd phenomenon.

But why?

Dammit, Google, that's not what I meant when I searched for "tits"!

For as long as I can remember breasts have intrigued me, but not in the least bit sexually.

While researching this I came across an article on breastfeeding in the Daily Mail that quotes Sigmund Freud.

Freud believed breastfeeding was central to our adult sexual development. He claimed that sexual desires began in earliest childhood, with the first stage based around the oral stimulation of breastfeeding, which in adults is manifested as kissing.

He wrote: ‘No one who has seen a baby sinking back satiated from the breast and falling asleep with flushed cheeks and a blissful smile can escape the reflection that this picture persists as a prototype of the expression of sexual satisfaction in later life.’

It is my interpretation that in gay men, and indeed in some straight women, what turned to sexual desire in straight men and lesbians turned into a simple non-sexual fascination for the rest of us. It’s programmed in our DNA. From our earliest breath of life breasts are a critical part of our survival. Can anybody be blamed for growing an attachment to them?

Perhaps moreover for gay men, we’re fascinated because we don’t have them. We don’t have boobs in the bedroom or under our shirts. That doesn’t go to say that all of us want breast implants, but they’re almost a novelty to us.

Well folks, that’s all for this week’s edition of Things Gay Men Like. Come back next time for a topic that’s less squishy and more intoxicating. Are you inebriated with anticipation?

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