In honor of Sex Week here at Kent State, I thought I’d share a few pointers that you may or may not be familiar with … about sex, and a possible addiction to the game of naked play.
I’m not saying you’re addicted to sex, masturbation and naughty fun, or maybe I am? I’m not here to offend anyone, though, God forbid! But if you reside with these sure tell 10 signs, you might be in for a rude (or hilarious) awakening.
1. While studying or writing a long paper, you need masturbation breaks.
What? Gross! No, no people. This happens more than you’d think. It is after all the best way to relieve stress or sexual frustration, right? Are you developing writer’s block or becoming spacey? Maybe you’ll just pound one out, and viola! Suddenly you’re sharp as a needle again.
2. When you start typing in a site that starts with ”p” into your web browser, the first site that pops up is porn related.
This can be significantly embarrassing if it’s not you typing in the web site, rather a good friend, significant other or even family member. Then what do you do? You just laugh it off like it’s no big deal (while inside you’re dying from mortification) Life experience, right?
3. You’d rather go hook up with a sex buddy than hang out with your friends.
Because sex is so fun, right?! Not when you’re breaking plans with people who actually care about you. Don’t take me wrong, having a sex buddy can be extremely fun (see previous posts), but when you’re balancing between having sex and maintaining friendship, and it becomes more of a heavily weighted (favored to the sex side) scale, you’re in for trouble.
4. When you’re texting the guy or gal you’re interested in, you’re almost always tempted to start sexting just to see how he or she would react.
We’re all familiar with the concept of sexting, and while some are against this new phenomenon, most of us think it’s pretty fun. Don’t deny it, you remember sitting down to a harmless text conversation or Facebook chat and thinking, I totally want to see his Pecs (or her boobs – gross). The best part is I’ve seen full-blown sext-type messages on Twitter. You do realize everyone can see that, right? Anyway…
5. It’s hard for you to resist a sexual invitation when you know you have more important things to do.
That 10-page paper is staring you in the face. You have a million errands to run—that letter won’t mail itself, and that milk isn’t getting any fresher in your refrigerator. You’ve got piles of textbooks in front of you, and that parking ticket you got two weeks ago is racking up some serious fees. Then you think about the booty call again, and all other priorities have taken second, third, fourth (you get the drift).
6. You’ll keep seeing someone until you get to have sex with them, even if you know the two of you aren’t, in any way possible, compatible.
So much for Plenty0ffish or Match.com’s mission statement. Sure you get on to meet someone in hopes of a fantastic relationship, but if you start talking to someone you expect them to give it up at some point. It’s a requirement – mandatory dating experience. You’ve always said you can’t be with someone until you’ve taken them for a test drive, right?
7. You hope that a heated argument with your boyfriend or girlfriend ends with passionate sheet rustling.
As you’re screaming at each other, you’re imagining throwing them against the wall and ripping off their clothes. That sentence alone made you horny. And how dare they not propose break up sex when the relationship is over.
8. You’ve mastered the dozen-a-day challenge, and you’re working on doubling that recipe.
If you have no idea what the dozen-a-day challenge is, then pat yourself on the back; at least you’re not addicted to masturbation.
9. You’re willing to lose sleep or use up precious gas in your car just to get your rocks off with someone else.
It’s even more shameful if you know your gas tank is on “e,” but you justify it by saying it gives you an excuse to fill up before the next day. If you’re grinning, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Or maybe you’re exhausted from a long day and it’s pushing 1 a.m. Your sex buddy texts you, and you think, what the hell, I only live once. Oh maybe that’s why you hated yourself the next day!
And last but not least:
10. You’ve accumulated all sorts of new fetishes to keep your different sex buddies satisfied.
You now own a pair of leather straps, and you’re considering buying a sex swing. Fully stocked on sticky sweet
You have to keep them all happy. Who knew you were so good at multi-tasking? Different partners, different fetishes and different toys – it’s called versatility.
You train wreck.
Oh sorry, was that too judgmental? Well, you know what they say: The first step is admitting you have a problem. I’m just here to better present your problem (triumph) to you. Oops, how did that parenthetical comment get in there?
But seriously folks, keep it classy and wrap it up. Try to at least stay with one sex buddy and think about your priorities! Awesome sex isn’t going to get you your dream job. Well, it actually might, but that’s a different story for a different post.
Until next time …