There are people who like to use handcuffs, whips, and ropes to feel sexual pleasure, however, no matter what you like to do when the doors are closed, it doesn’t define your sexuality. If you are a woman who only likes to sleep with men, it doesn’t make you “queer” if you’re into bondage. You might be saying to yourself, “I never said that!” or “What is making you say this?” Perfect questions and statements from the audience.
I remember going to a lot of queer events and seeing people displaying their kinks for the public to see – puppy play, bondage, etc. – and I know I could sound like a Republican right now, but I just never understood why. My true guess is because queer events are the only place some people feel safe to show their true selves in a way they have never been able to. All of that to say, there are a lot of people in the queer community that are also kinky, which is not the point of this piece. I am talking about the group of people who are straight and will confirm that they are only attracted to the opposite sex, but then go on to say, “But I love to be tied up and blah blah blah.”
OKAY AND WHEN DID I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE
Please know I am a very sex positive person as long as everything is safe and consensual. Being a part of the queer community is so much more than what you do in the bedroom. Being queer is like coming up for fresh air after you have been drowning. The people who make it out to seem like being queer is just about being someone who likes sex and wants to use the term “queer” so people are less judgemental about their sex life. There are a lot of different kinks that incorporate queerness, but in itself being kinky is not queer.
On another note, I think y’all are getting way too comfortable on social media. I should not be seeing asscheeks on my for-you page. Then with the hashtag #queer, don’t be putting my name on anything! In a white republican man’s voice, I do not condone the amount of skin you are showing off here! I’m kidding, mostly, but like when I am doomscrolling at 10:30 p.m. I do not want to see your bush. I’m sorry.
Previously, Kent had a Kink club for people to explore their identities in the kink community. I personally do believe there is a strong correlation between being kinky and being queer, but even though I believe that, I still don’t believe that being generally kinky makes you queer.
According to an article by CountryQueer, which is “a community publication lifting up LGBTQ+ voices in country and Americana cultures in the United States.” There is a slight correlation between being queer and being kinky, it’s a debate that has gone on for such a long time now, there is truly no right answer.
“Nevertheless, sexual identity and orientation will always have a more significant impact on one’s life than just kink or fetish. Sexual identity can be part of your core values, and fighting on the right side of history is noble.”
The people who engage in “gay play” but outside of the bedroom don’t identify with being gay or bisexual makes me (as a genderqueer pansexual person) feel as though they are mocking or making the experiences of queer people less than it actually is. The article ends by saying that the line between identity and kink is a personal decision, here are some questions they list to help you figure out where you stand. “Does this kink reflect who I am, and my character, or just what I like? Do I need this to feel like myself, or is it a scenario I enjoy? Am I objectifying someone else’s identity for my pleasure? Am I safe, consensual, and respectful in how I explore this?”
However, at the end of the day, there are much more pressing issues to be concerned about. This topic has been heavy on my mind because of the amount of discrimination that queer people face. People who misuse the term queer do not know what it is like to love someone so much and be terrified of losing them because society and the government are so against queer people. That is why at the root of this, it bothers me so much, and I wish people could see how damaging it is for us.